Getting frustrated when your child doesn't try, and how to keep calm.

Estimated read time: 3.1 minutes

Hey there,

One part of working with families on my Mindset Made Easy programme is learning why they have signed up. It's so interesting hearing what's brought them to me and there are often common themes.

One has been cropping up recently, in addition to wanting to help their children be less afraid of homework and other practical problems.

'I also want to get better at how I manage my reactions 🥴'

So today, I'm going to give you one great tip to start managing that. Because it ain't easy!

⬆️ This was shared by a mum on the Year 6 programme last week. My heart went out to her. And as a teacher, I have felt that many, many times. 

So first, I'd just like to say: if you have ever felt frustrated in moments like these, and maybe responded in a way you regretted, you are not alone. It is OK to feel frustrated. I refuse to believe that no parent ever gets frustrated – even those presenting an image of all-zen, all-gentle parenting on social media...or IRL! 🤪

So, to tackle those 'argh' moments, here are a couple of strategies:

Pre-Activity Check-In: If you know a task might lead to frustration, take a moment beforehand to check in with each other's feelings. Use a visual representation like this one from @psychologistdoodles to identify how you're feeling—whether it's a calm ‘sunny day’ or a more turbulent ‘tornado’. Sometimes this will be enough and you'll both feel ready to crack on with the activity.

Now, if your child says they are feeling like a tornado because they hate reading, that's a great opportunity to pause, acknowledge their feelings, and revisit Growth Mindset ideas about trying and learning through challenges.

Maybe you don't want to say, 'I too am feeling the tornado –  it does my head in when you don't try and I dread doing reading practise with you!' In terms of what you share, see what feels right. I would say that the goal is making their feelings the focus of your chat while also gently sharing some of your own.

But also, let's also get real. How often do we have the headspace to be this calmly proactive? If you can manage it, that's amazing. But if you suddenly find yourself well past the point of a pre-activity check-in and the frustration is rising, all is not lost. Try this:

In-the-Moment Pause and Check: If frustration hits, it’s okay! Pause and acknowledge those feelings in real time. Refer back to the visual tools and encourage your child to express how they're feeling. It's never too late to have a quick check-in and find a way to calm down together.

I know you are committed to helping your child with their mindset and building resilience. But it's also important to acknowledge your feelings and support yourself. When we do that as parents, it makes it a lot easier to show up for our kids and help them through the 'argh' moments. 

What Are You Feeling?

The School of Life (Author) Daniel Gray-Barnett (Illustrator)

(The School of Life)

Carrying on with the theme of identifying our emotions: in order to identify them, we have to know them first, obviously. This gorgeous book explores 20 different emotions from proud and silly to mischievous and worried. Not only that, but it encourages children to think about what other people's emotions might be, and what that can look like.

Love this book as a starting point for exploring the emotions of everyone at home. 

Some teachers have a feelings checker in their classroom and each morning they get the kids to put their name or face on the feeling they're having that day. I LOVE this concept. It immediately lets you know if something is up, and enables you to be able to approach them in the way they need you that day.

Plus it gets the kids actually tuning into what's going on for them each day, which is an invaluable skill (and not one most of us were taught as kids!).

This is a free version I found online.

Here's a pretty one... ⬇️

And here's one that goes on the fridge:

It's a great habit for everyone to get in on the action. You could draw little pictures of yourselves, or just write your name and place it next to what you're feeling each morning.

That's it this week.

See ya!

Becca

I'm collaborating with one of my favourite charities, Lloyd Park Children's Charity to gave away 5 places on Mindset Made Easy. You can apply for a place here. :-)