Estimated read time: 3 minutes and 7 seconds

Hey there,

I was solo parenting last week and (crazily) took the 1- and 3-year-old to Dublin to see my teacher pal besties.

I was excited about introducing my toddler to one friend's 5-year-old. It was all fun and games on Friday but by Saturday, the 5-year-old (understandably) needed some space.

My toddler was devastated. She wanted them to walk together, play together, hold hands... but that's not what they both wanted.

Roll on 2-hour meltdown - part of it by a busy road, eek. Not that surprising considering the trip was preceded by two weeks in Italy followed by a week of missing her dad. I think all the feelings just came out all at once.

It was emotional, for both of us.

But it got me thinking. My goal afterwards was not to persuade said 5-year-old to do everything the toddler wanted: we needed to respect what she needed/wanted. Nor was it to try and compensate for my daughter's disappointment.

Because disappointments happen and they can feel crap. But we want our children to learn that they can handle them.

So this week's Noisy is about just that. 

This week I'm talking about:  

Noisy: Life's Tough and Then You Die

Book: Barbara Throws a Wobbler

Club: Be Silly

Noisy

Life's Tough and Then You Die

This was the motto of Mary, an amazing partner teacher I once had. Mary heroically saved the day - postponing her retirement! - to step in when my partner-teacher had to leave suddenly. Mary had decades more of experience and knowledge than me, but had never taught the little ones at my end of the school - she liked the big'ns. She enjoyed being able to be a little more straight with them and a favourite phrase was (you guessed it) 'Life's tough and then you die'.

She wanted kids to know that tough moments would happen, but they could get through them and life would go on, they'd survive!

The first time she said this to our little Year 2s, I think my eyes popped out of my head in shock... waiting for the response. Surely you couldn't say that to a 6-year-old?

But you know what? The kids loved it. They used to laugh and it usually burst the little storm bubble they were in. Then they'd crack on with whatever they'd been doing.

It's up to you whether you want to use this phrase or reword it. I'm not sure I'd go that blunt on my toddler just yet!

But I want to start channelling a bit more of Mary's mentality. Because, yes, it's disappointing when you don't get to play with your friend/eat an ice cream/watch more TV….

But kids can handle that disappointment. And we can be there to help them navigate it, without trying to fix it or compensate for the icky feelings it brings up.

Book

Barbara Throws a Wobbler, Nadia Shireen (Penguin) 

This book puts words and images to how Barbara feels as she descends into and endures major feelings during a meltdown.

Barbara throws a big old wobbler and learns why it happened and what she can do to help herself get out of it.

I think this is a brilliant reference point to help kids discuss and understand what happens in their bodies and emotions in the tough moments. And ultimately, what makes them better equipped to work their way out of it.

Using this as a talking point after a big blowup can help kids understand what's happened. The more they do this with you, the easier it will become for them to do it without you.

Club

Be Silly

It's hard to remember this when you are dealing with intense emotions and behaviour, especially if your own tank is running low.

But this is your friendly reminder that (when you can remember/have capacity for it), humour is such a helpful way to distract and change the energy.

Obviously it's unlikely to be helpful mid-meltdown. But as things are calming down, saying or doing something silly - something that will make your child laugh - can speed up that recovery process at the end where both your emotions need to land again.

Plus laughing will just make you both feel a bit better after an intense moment.

Wishing you laughs for the weekend.

Becca

P.S. Did you find this helpful? Then sign up to my weekly newsletter to get more of this straight into your inbox.